Making Myself

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Motivation is a huge thing for me, depression makes me tired a lot of the time, it wants to keep me from making myself, from completing tasks. I like to express myself in lots of different ways, whether that be writing, or photography, I have a lot of outlets. Putting myself out there into the world is a way for me to feel less alone with my mental health issues, and holds me accountable. If I don’t create, I feel invisible. If I’m invisible, I can get away with drifting through life, wasting the days away.

I want to be there for myself. Showing the world my worth.

I want to complete my projects, and start new ones. Drown in the full feeling I get from pressing send, post, submit.

The editing process is both tedious, and a gift. When I’m editing, it takes up every possible space in my mind, I can think of nothing else in those hours but where I should make the cut, and what transition to use. I edit for six, eight, ten hours at a time. And it’s glorious to empty my head for a while, push all the rest of it aside, begone demons, there is no room for you here, not today! It’s the same for photo editing, editing my writing, etc.

I have also recently discovered, or rediscovered the simple task of slowly applying makeup. I panic the most when I know I have to leave the house. I try to utilize breathing techniques, I try to have a support system, but those things usually aren’t enough. I have to psyche myself out. I have to get ready. In more ways than one.

So I spend a while staring at my face, covering it in pretty colours to match my wild neon hair. I meticulously plan every facet of my outfit, and all of my accessories. I get ready for the world, creating an armour for myself. This is my new favourite thing to do!

So I decided to start filming it. Along with lots of other things, like reading aloud from my favourite books, and dancing around my room in pretty outfits to music, to drown out all the depression, and the anxieties about the outside world, and the OCD from my inside world, and all the other various ways.

I decided to start a Ko‑fi page to hopefully help contribute to all the ways in which I create.

I post to instagram a lot.

I make youtube videos.

I have a podcast.

I’m writing a book.

blog.

I write poetry.

Thank you for reading, and supporting me. ❤

link to ko-fi

samrosey sig

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