“unstable emotions”

I say I’m so happy, and the world gets smaller
Like it knows I’m finally breathing
Free from the blinding grey screams
Of a depressive
A manic
A borderline type
I say I’m drowning, and the long list
That’s built inside me
Of all the things I want
The things I desire, holding me hostage
Like a failure
Unable to complete one simple thing.
Living stuck in the mud in the middle
Of either end, doesn’t help,
Only makes me long for either end of the light
And dark
The dark
I hate the dark, alone in a bed alone in my bed with my thoughts
Wondering if you like me, why don’t you like me
Enough. To tell me I’m enough.
Over and over again.
Feed me with the reassurance that I’m perfect.
Feed me with the attention I require.
Feed me by never telling me I’m too much.
I’m too much.

samrosey sig

london part.1985


smell your air, your food, the hidden park at the end of our street after the rain breaks the heat
beat the grey with my feet as hard as I possibly can to make a mark
i’m here taking up space, feeling this place
all around my soft body
as I cry at the thought of leaving
why are you always coming back to let me know how much I don’t deserve you
love the blue light blue of your centre
and the crowded chaos crowded peaceful chaos
at my centre
at my centre
i am wide open, a loud open grabbing with my hands
pulling at my eyelashes until I can’t close my eyes no more girl in mourning
see the red brick of the old house on the old road
down the shit lane, full of those who don’t want to remain
don’t leave me here
it’s fine. it’s okay. you got this, right?
my future in your hands, you’ve felt my might, on the days good days are alright.
I’ll be seeing you, kid.

samrosey sig

the strangers

Dying in the face of insolence, and abuse is easy. The words crash into me familiar. The sounds and faces of my makers, all the same.

Remembering that I am better than that, remembering what I am is harder.

Ten faces, ten different ways to tell me I’m nothing. I believe them all.

One stranger, one way to bring me back to life, means everything. And I’m only now beginning to believe he might be real.

He was tall, and wore big boots. He seemed foreign, a different kind of species. His hair was messy and wild like an animal. His eyes piercing blue like ice. Like rules they must abide by.

He held his hand out, pronouncing words that meant things would be okay, this day would be alright.

He helped me to my feet, and we walked across the grass. He didn’t speak, not until he could form the words without the anger.

“I like your hair.” He said.

I touched my hair, the black flower sticking out to the side, now crumpled, and pulled it out. I took his hand and dropped it into his palm.

“Thank you.”

We sat in the sun, under the tree, not really saying anything. He read a book, and I tried not to cry.

“I won’t hurt you.” He said.


samrosey fic

I make words go together like ooooh. Or maybe like eh, what? Nevermind, come see… (Original Fic edition)



I have made a Facebook Group for my original writings where I post snippets of the book I am currently writing, and more, including prose, and six word stories.

Come find me, and join! ❤


samrosey. XO


SU4Katalina: Magnolia Meadow Teaser

Please see: Katalina’s Story

Teaser from an original piece I am donating to SU4Katalina.

“I know. I don’t want to go, and you know it isn’t about me choosing something over you, preferring something more than you. It’s not about that. If I had a choice, I would be here. Every day, I would be here. And hey, this time I’ll only be gone for two months, three tops.”

I hadn’t understood the workings of his life outside of that room, or the man he became when the boy stepped out into the world. We didn’t know each other like that yet. “I wanna take you somewhere special.”

“Even more special than right here…” His warm hands move along my skin, touching my tummy and down to where my panties should be.

“I mean it, mister. Oh, it’s such a beautiful place. My father first took me there when I was in college. We could take a trip, just you and I? Make a summer of it even…if…if we want to. It’s a sight to be seen, I promise!”

His hands, never leaving me, now wander their path around me lovely, lovely and hot. I try so hard not to close my eyes. I want to see it all, how he looks at me as he finds me, see the outsides of his insides as he feels what I feel like. I fail so many times as he climbs deeper, as I climb higher. He’s so intense, so sharing – I’ve never known it like this before. I’ve never known cliff tops and the power of their breeze as I try to stand my ground. I’ve never known the sea and its bluest depths. I know now. I know now. His hands make me fly, his sweet face, sexy handsome and mine, watching me as I fall. Because I do fall. Each and every time.

See: SU4Katalina for more information about donating and how you can receive this story and many others.

Stand Up For Katalina

Katalina’s Story

Hello, All. This post will not be a fantasy but a dose of real life. I’ve come here to my happy place to admire the authors, chat on the threads, and become part of this wonderment that Twilight brought me. I don’t intend on stopping to participate or ‘play’ until I can’t anymore…I just wanted you all to know why my comments and reviews have been sporadic of late.

On our anniversary we went to Malibu, kind of our tradition since moving to CA from MA. I twisted my knee (so I thought) swimming. I really didn’t think much about it, as it didn’t bother me after the first day. Being a dancer, a silent alarm went, up I and made a point to get it checked out once we got home. No worries right? I’m diligent about yearly check-ups and just had one in January. Long story short, went to the doctors, no knee problems, my sciatica was acting up, and I had lost my voice in the morning. I also had swelling in my neck and face (odd). I was just recovering from Whooping Cough and thought it was lingering effects. I had a CAT scan of my upper body, and results showed my lymph nodes enlarged (causing the swelling) and a tumor in my lung and on my hip. I was sent to an oncologist, who then scheduled me for a PET scan. It’s not pretty. Diagnosed with lymphoma, lung, bone, and adrenal gland cancer-small cell. Stage 4 with a 6 month prognosis. Yes it can happen that quickly; this cancer is aggressive and grows quickly. The pain in my leg increased so much I could barely walk. I was sent to have the hip radiated 5 times, and it worked. Pain is gone. I’m an incredibly healthy person and have kept myself in shape forever, which is one reason the doc told me it took an awful lot before it was noticeable. In my head, I’m in a good place and will take what fate has dealt. I’ve done incredible things in my life, have lived, loved, and laughed hard. I’ve had my share of the dark days, too, which is why I lived the way I have.

When Stand up 2 Cancer aired, I had my breaking point — so many people have it. Some survive; some don’t. But this is the reality of life.

My biggest wish is that I’m able to see BD2; is that crazy? I’m 9 hours away from LA. What a dream if I could see the cast and go to the premiere…we’ve thought about it, and I just don’t know how I’ll be at that point, but GD it! I’ve got to see it — lol!

Right now, I’m doing pretty good, teaching my dance classes but not full out. The energy wanes. I’m priming myself and my groups to do a flash mob on the 6th of October, and I’m still sewing up a storm. I’ll be turning my students over to my mentor. They’ll be in very capable hands (and feet!)

Some of you will not respond to this, and it’s ok. Some of you will hold my cyber hand or lend that hug. I just want you ALL to know you have touched me with your words, your wit, your angst, and, yes, your kink. You’ve all woven your way into the person I am. You’ve gotten me through some dark times, and you’ve made the good times so much better…This is not the last you’ll hear from me.


Dear K

K, sweet and lovely.

Opening up your secret messages are always like sunshine. In the best way, in the lightest, prettiest, butterflies flying low in the grass on a breezy day, kind of way.

You danced your way into my life back when my time was an unhappy one. You make me smile. You make me realise there are people out there who get me, and that you should never stop hoping.

You’re my pastel coloured ribbon – I told you this. The ties are special and were always meant to be.

You’re strong, you’re beautiful. I’m thinking of you always.
You have touched lives, and will continue making magic wherever you are.

My love. My hands.
Sam. xoxo

If you can, please think about donating, not only will you help with the fight in battling cancer but you will receive a compilation of wonderful writings

I am donating an original piece, written from a prompt by K ❤

Please visit the site for more information about how you can help!