The trees are farther apart than I thought they would be. The outside looks like a dark world of leaves and danger, the daytime’s pocket of forever darkness, living here in plain sight. As if a forest is a normal thing. As if the secrecy of the earth is in any way safe.
My steps are careful. My eyes are everywhere.
This is not a designated campsite. A park for like-minded people coming to take up house for the starry nights, hiking in the wilderness during the days.
This is Lost Lake, a thicket of nature plonked in the middle of anywhere that will take it.
We are hot, sticky beaming some of the time, torrential rain, rain please don’t go away the rest of the time. I love the rain. I just don’t want to sleep in it.
A fallen tree, massive, and beautifully tragic, dying alone out here, left only among its tree friends.
“Well that’s not creepy at all.”
On the other side of the tree lives a car, rusty, and old. It too has become a part of the earth it sits upon.
“Who doesn’t come back for their car?”
“Okay Jasper, we get it, we’re camping in the woods, let the horror ensue.”
“You don’t believe in scary stories?” Edward almost seems to come out of nowhere, except, I knew where he was, who he was looking at, and the moment he began to speak. When he moves, I move, just to learn him a little better, just to get a little closer.
“Scary stories yeah, but what are the odds that something gruesome will happen here? Of all places, this town is the total opposite of housing serial killers and boogeymen.”
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Slowly tasting, his lips on her lips, with her tongue she played a dreamy dance. It was right. It was good. It was easy; a sleepy, lust-filled ecstasy. They fell into each other over and over, the yellow day lighting the way for happiness.
No Mike. No Benny.
His hands holding her in place, in place with him. Never leave.
Morning moments of a new kind of day. A new kind of way. He woke to a sleeping love, peaceful, no soaked sheets, no nightmares, just her, the lovely girl. A luminous intensity, pale met rosy-cream pictures, lying in his bed, remembering her, and the way they moved together just last night. He laid watching her, lost in lightening moments. He thought to take a pen and write it down, to tell someone. His need to express overwhelmed him.
Unable to wait any longer, he leaned forward and gently pushed his nose against hers. Small touches in place of words, small actions forever meaning more. She shifted and stirred, lightly groaning for being woken. Eyes fluttered, no letting up, she knew he was there, a smile as big as his heart, reflecting back. And it was okay. It was more than.
They fought against an immediacy in the moment of that night, pulling at each other in the dark.
He tried to speak but the only things he could think to say seemed silly, simple repeated descriptions of what he thought but not what he really felt. It was finally so right. He wanted to say how right and real it was for him and hoped her feelings were just the same.
Edward spent a time simply looking at Bella. His hands made their way over her arms and shoulders, and back again, finding new places to leave his gentle mark, all the while watching her react to him. He took her hand in his, to somehow tell her all his thoughts, and to know hers in return. He didn’t want to miss a thing.
She watched him feeling her, her mind unable to comprehend the new energy inside. A heart beating more alive than ever before.
She wanted it all inside that car, he was attempting to savour her, to fit all of who she was into that moment and beyond. He had begun taking caution in his having for fear of enjoying too much too soon.
But it was her time to be impatient as she pulled at him, leading him a new path along her stomach. And as his now warm hands fell against her skin, she let go and held on, leaning back for him to see her more.
She didn’t know where to begin, how to begin, only that she must.
Don’t be a coward.
She was the imperfect mix of a child left alone, and an adult, unaware of what’s next.
Edward had agreed to continue on as he once had, new prospects at the University. Something he had been hoping for despite his young age. Protests and comfort, he didn’t want to leave Bella alone.
There was a tear in the vortex; the stories and confessions of yesterday, held high like stars in a kind of new sky. He was relieved. But Bella had more questions.
Why couldn’t Edward go with his family?
Her understanding was limited due to the absence of her own.
Bella felt now more than ever that she owed something to Edward. She felt ashamed of her life, and the paths she had taken, she thought of how they had met, unsure, but wanting to be determined. She knew she did want to share more with him.
James tried to take my mother from me. He attempted to destroy my family, to dispose of our every reason. He should have gone right ahead and ripped out each of our hearts. But of course, that’s why he chose her, and we all knew it. As Bella began to change, I didn’t hesitate. I found James, lying in wait like the animal that he was, and I took his life from him. I ripped his dead heart from his chest, and held it up for him to see. Where my own dead heart lies, one soul beats for me. James, he was soulless. I know the difference now. I see the difference now.