trigger (un)happy

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The empty black hole in the ceiling where the spotlight used to be, stares at me like it knows. It knows this song, this story of a girl who can’t possibly exist in this purgatory bath time, telling stories into the reflection of the pink smeared cheeks, my hair, my heart hurts. I’m so deeply hurt, I don’t know how to be…anything.

Writing hurts too, telling you, hurts too, my fingertips have never been so bare, full of blood waiting to be pumped out of me like the tears I shed, I can’t breathe, thinking about sleep, my dreams are more black holes of past times I had a strong tolerance for, I never knew I was strong enough to survive pain after pain, tearing through my skin and years like glass ripping through the sky on a snow day.

 

samrosey fic

supermarket ghosts (1)

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death, is the smell of soap in the supermarket aisle.
gone, are the vhs tapes of 80s movies re-running in my mind.
you are, the tears in my mouth on a windy day.
i am, bruised by this wave of sadness.

 

samrosey fic

nightmares

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Create me, building. Heal me, fractured. Beat, beat, my eyes are tired.
Make more sense. Make yourself.

My days are wasting, my dreams are torture.
You were never true, fire burning, I couldn’t believe you.
You lie, you lie, spiders cry.

 

samrosey fic

The Disembodiment of Sally…Sam

The need for a whisper as you part me.
The want for a word as you climb inside of me.

The hope for an after as you dress and leave.
The attempt to fill myself once you’ve been.

 

samrosey fic

paper towels

Tall blocks of black and holding safe. To open, to empty, and left in place.

“Where is the ladies’?”

And so I find, your playing shadows on dirt and pine.
A face I make in mirrors long, and soap so thin and almost gone.

Flashes; moving an image, of chaos and violence hidden so perversely,
I look and wait and want to run,
Wet hands, damp feet from mucky’s turn.

Quick steps, cold handles, I leave whispers of ghosts behind,
In toilets in safe houses and public places to find.

 

samrosey fic

Scarecrow

The insides of me fall out along the yellow lines of life.
The dirty bark takes me cold and biting harsh.
Pick an apple from you,
falling down lanes,
pick an apple from you,
it browns before I take a taste.
Knock the tin full of stuffing,
fill me, I’m empty don’t you see.
I wait for answers,
Won’t you just open yourself up to me?

Unstick me with your need. Needing me blue, needing me like I need you.
Not for cold nights, or even tears that always fall.
But for touches and funsies and lusty parts and all.

Dance with me in daylight or just when the never-ending won’t let up.

Tell me you’re addicted, and you crave me; that I’m known.

I need to go see the wizard, bestie!
But I’m all alone.

 

samrosey fic

kiss

To kiss 
your lips. To taste 
your mouth 
Revel in the
feel 
of this inferno
heat 
burning
this present path

(Written in response to: Painful rehabilitation from a BLissful ignorANCe addiction)

samrosey fic

No (P)oint (o)f (p)resence.

Simple synergy of your cause;
your words can’t beat,
your actions they don’t beat me.

Simple synergy affecting my life,
it’s not right,
this line of living born from your time.

Look out till tomorrow, I forgot you
Look inside today, but you’re still here.

As old as this shift in space, a tail of our time…
As old as your sorry excuses, though you’re not sorry,
you’re incapable, untraceable,
what you did is unforgivable.

Concealed in my mind for the best of days.
See I’m still reminded of your horrendous ways.

How so? You left, take it with you.
Why now? An ambush, preying upon me when I cannot see you.

I cry, scared of you, daydreaming just the memory of you.
The you that towered too tall and forceful.
The you that pounded, grounded and punished for playful,
full of hate.
You don’t know this me or what it takes.

I won’t let you have it, I am no credit to you.
I won’t let you take anything from me,
this day from now, no black, no blue.

It hurts to push me,
I’m soft to touch.
Try it just to see the best of me,
I’m fighting strong for this me now,
little by little, a lot; this much.

 

samrosey fic

daisy chains

My sound is quiet, I am still.
I cannot move, you took my will.
In the sun; apparent, as trying as ever.
Under the moon and lonely, no pill or pressure.

Heavy, projected wings that slumber,
mine apart from yours, to catch be gone, I smile under.
Wide eyes and beaming lost, to find,
an open door carriage you see, this seat inside my mind.

No moving to make me do as I please,
only your face, your dance, insight of me.
Splinters, black holes bleeding, bleeding me dry,
I look for listeners, hard on callers, calling allowing me mine.

Red Riding my Raleigh Splash, even then I think I knew,
I knew it climbing old oak trees, Polka dot crazy, creamy legs,
girl kisses and bruised knees.

 

samrosey fic